The Crown has lost the plot
They say the truth is stranger than fiction, so why did The Crown need to make so much up?
While we love Emma Corrin as Diana, we sorry to say The Crown has toppled from its throne. Kerry let’s fly with her opinion in The Sunday Telegraph, saying series four is full of clumsy dialogue, sledgehammer analogies and historical revisionism.
We fell in love with Claire Foy and Matt Smith’s young Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip. But writer Peter Morgan has turned them into emotionally-devoid caricatures. Olivia Colman’s Queen is horrible. And it’s never a good thing if your audience detests the protagonists. “I think it’s a mistake to assume that people are feeling any sympathy for us at all,” she says in episode six. It’s a mistake to assume we didn’t, Peter.
The arrival of Princess Diana seems to have clouded his vision. Revisiting the sorry story 40 years later makes it even more poignant, but the stalking deer scenes of episode two are like being hammered over the head with a mallet marked “SYMBOLISM”. Thanks, we get it.
Series three was all about poor put-upon Prince Charles coming of age and being denied true love. We rooted for him, we liked him. But come series four, he’s Iceman, torturing his young bride, who is a one-dimensional victim.
The Royal Family have become ogres, scoffing at Margaret Thatcher at Balmoral, then berating Diana for cocking up her curtsies. But Diana grew up on the Sandringham Estate, her father was an equerry to George VI and the Queen; she knew all the etiquette. She was no Meghan, which we’re clearly meant to think.
The invented conversations are ridiculous, such as the imaginary last letter from Lord Mountbatten and Philip ranting at Charles over stealing his affection. And Bob Hawke likening the Queen to a “pig in a twinset and pearls”? Oh please…
Then there’s the content they miss out. The Falklands War is relegated to a sub-plot to Michael Fagan’s 1982 Buckingham Palace break-in. The Queen has just admitted her favourite child is Prince Andrew (wah-wah, oops), so you’d think it would be pertinent then, that he served in the Falklands War. And came back a hero. But no, he’s been cancelled, so we must delete his history too. Likewise, Charles wasn’t seeing Camilla from the start of his marriage, but hey, don’t let the truth get in the way of a bad story.
The makers’ defence is it’s a drama, not a documentary, but the problem is many will believe it, particularly generations too young to remember. If you are making a drama about historical events, keep the events real and embellish around them. Otherwise, it’s an exercise in fake news. And a character assassination.
We’re calling it: The Crown has jumped the royal shark. Unhappy days.
Through the Royal keyhole – inside Frogmore Cottage
We may be down on The Crown but there’s one thing we can’t get enough of - the stately homes. So we’re starting a series of Through the Royal Keyhole. First up is Frogmore Cottage, as news emerged this week that Harry and Meghan handed over the keys to pregnant Princess Eugenie and husband, Jack Brooksbank. Maria finds out what it’s like inside the five-bedroom house on the Windsor Estate.
As refurbishments go, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex carried out the most famous home improvement of 2019, with months of headline-making major works on the 1801 property. The couple are well-known fans of Soho Farmhouse (Meghan celebrated her hen do at the Oxfordshire retreat) and brought in former Global Head of Design Vicky Charles of Charles & Co. Think reclaimed-board cladding, copper bathtubs, Crittall windows, Cotswold stone, a palette of whites and greys.
Lucky Eugenie has inherited: Meghan’s yoga studio, two orangeries and, BINGO, a fully-kitted-out nursery (rumoured to have cost £150,000), decorated in gender-neutral grey, eco-friendly paint, infused with rosemary and eucalyptus essential oils by Organic and Natural Paint Co. It also has state-of-the art tech, including cameras and a 25ft mood screen programmed to project soothing images.
You can buy the Queen’s precious jewellery… sort of
Queen Elizabeth signalled her love for Prince Philip, her husband of 73 years, by wearing a precious memento from their honeymoon in this week’s official wedding anniversary portrait. Back in 1947, she popped on the very same Chrysanthemum brooch for pictures with him, honeymooning at Lord Mountbatten’s Broadlands.
Obviously, one of Her Majesty’s favourite bits of bling, she has worn it through the decades, including for portraits marking her 60th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, it’s not a love token from Philip, but was presented with it in 1946, when she launched an oil tanker named British Princess. Tanks a lot, eh.
If you fancy a regal brooch, why not add one from the palace shop to your Christmas list. Maria has her eye on this Crystal Rose one.
Camilla’s favourite reads
Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, this week presented the 51st Booker Prize in a virtual ceremony, won by Douglas Stuart for Shuggie Bain. Camilla, who is patron of the National Literacy Trust, says her love of books was “one of the greatest gifts my father could have given me.” If, like us, you’re looking for your next lockdown read, check out Camilla’s reading lists; the ultimate royal book club. Here are her recent top picks:
The Woman in White, Wilkie Collins: A menacing and mysterious tale spun by this great Victorian writer with a penchant for drama.
Girl: A Novel, Edna O’Brien: This brilliant Irish novelist lays bare the trauma of Nigeria’s abducted schoolgirls in this harrowing novel.
Roy Grace series: Peter James: If you have never read Peter James’ crime thriller series, I would highly recommend you give it a try!
The Queen’s Necklace: Alexandre Dumas: A thrilling mystery. An epic tale of love and hatred, betrayal and courage, set at the court of Louis XVI.
The Island, Victoria Hislop: An evocatively told story of four generations rent by war, illicit love, violence and leprosy, from the thirties to the present day.
We gave it a go to get Meghan’s glow
She’s the duchess of the dewy glow, but how does Meghan get her trademark dazzle? The answer is a budget buy - Eucerin Aquaphor Skin Soothing Balm, £6.75.
Meghan’s make-up artist Daniel Martin revealed he dabs it on her “the high points of the face” then layers a Dior Backstage Glow highlighting palette, £36, over the top.
Kerry tried it out, but be warned, it does take some practise if you want to avoid looking like you have laminated your face. It’s extremely gloopy and easy to put far too much on, but no matter, as it is brilliant for Covid-19 hands.